Are you a mom who helps with the family finances—and finds yourself feeling guilty for not being 100% available to your children?

That was me. For years.

I carried that guilt like it was part of the job description. But eventually, I learned that there's something even more powerful (and far easier) than constant, heartfelt apologies.

What I didn’t realize was that I was unintentionally doing harm—not through my actions, but through the way I thought about my situation.

See, while I was feeling frustrated and angry that I had to work, I was simultaneously hoping my kids wouldn’t see this as “normal.” I wanted them to grow up believing that moms should be fully attentive, and that their future families would be more "ideal."

So I'd say things like:

“I’m so sorry I have to work so much! I really should be spending time with you, and I promise, we’re doing all we can to fix the problem!”

Or:

“I wish I didn’t have to work! I hate the way things are, but we’ve just got to keep hoping that things will get better. We have to be patient; can you hang on just a little longer until things can be better? I really believe this won’t last forever...”

My heart was in the right place—but I came to realize I was sending the wrong message.

Here’s what I was unknowingly teaching them:

1. That their dad and I were doing something wrong, even though we were actually doing what was necessary.

2. That it's okay to complain about doing what needs to be done. I saw this mirrored in their own attitudes—they started resenting necessary responsibilities, like walking a half-mile to school in gorgeous Arizona weather, or doing simple household chores. They saw them as unfair burdens instead of opportunities to contribute.

3. That Mom and Dad don't keep their promises. When the "temporary" need for me to work stretched into years, it was easy for my kids to doubt our word.

4. That guilt justifies inconsistency. I started overcompensating—giving in when I shouldn’t have, bending rules I’d normally stand by, simply because I felt bad for working too much. (My friend Matt Reichmann from the LAPD once said there's nothing more dangerous than a guilty parent—and wow, did that hit home.)

One of the best changes I ever made was the day I stopped apologizing for working.

Did I still wish I had more time for my kids? Absolutely. But instead of resenting my situation, I chose to accept it and make the most of it.

Instead of saying, “I’m so sorry I have to work,” I began saying:

“Hey, this is what needs to be done, and you know what? It feels good to work!”

Or, “Let’s both get some work done, and at 4:30, we’ll go to the park! What do YOU want to accomplish today?”

That shift in mindset brought an incredible new energy into our home. We started involving our kids in our work, helping them see the difference it made in other people’s lives. We connected the dots for them—showing how their chores and efforts at home were part of a bigger picture. Suddenly, they weren’t just “picking up Mom’s slack”—they were contributing to something meaningful.

And they responded. They started doing things more cheerfully. They even began helping without being asked.

My kids are independent—and yes, a big part of that is because they had to be. But I don’t regret it. They’ve learned to work. They’ve learned to feel good about work.

No, our family isn’t perfect. My kids still complain like everyone else's. But each of them has had at least one powerful moment where they felt the deep, internal reward of being productively independent. And that moment creates a reference point—an emotional memory—that they can always come back to.

That’s the Law of Polarity at work. What I once saw as a problem—me working—became a huge blessing in disguise. But it only became a blessing after I chose to stop apologizing for it.

Whatever your work looks like, know this: it's helping someone. Talk to your children about what you do, and how it makes a difference. Let them see the joy that can come from being productive. It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give them before they leave home: a love for work, and a deep acceptance of what is.

(Because acceptance—real, grounded acceptance—is the first step toward transformation. Test it.)

Do you see how much our kids pick up from our example? Whether we work or not, they're always learning.

So show them how to find joy in contributing. Show them how to face reality with courage, and still find happiness—right where they are.

And if you're in a position where you don’t have to work, I hope you’ll still choose something meaningful to pour yourself into—whether it’s a hobby, a cause, or a project. Not just for your own fulfillment, but so your children can learn these same lessons through you.

Because no matter how intentional your parenting is, your kids are going to face hard things. And when that happens, it won’t matter nearly as much whether you worked or not—but it will matter how they saw you respond to your own challenges.

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