This is a really sensitive topic—one I honestly don’t enjoy discussing. Mostly because I never want to say anything that might give someone justification to make a decision they’ll regret later.

But I also know that many marriages are struggling. So if this post can help even one person strengthen their relationship, maybe it’s worth sharing. My hope is that what I write here—and the responses I give—will be grounded in gospel truths and sound principles. From there, it’s up to each person to prayerfully discern how to apply them in their own life and situation.

Just to be clear: I’m not a relationship expert. But after 26 years of marriage, my husband and I have worked through some incredibly difficult challenges (not just financial ones), so I do have strong opinions about how to work through relationship struggles. I just don’t usually voice them publicly.

That said...

Here’s a question I received from someone in the Mindset Mastery program. The topic is how to live true principles when a marriage is in crisis. (Some details have been changed for privacy.)

Leslie, I need some advice. I’m trying to write and visualize my ideal life, but there’s one part I’m struggling with:

My husband has been texting and sexting other women. It’s been going on for years. We’ve been married for nearly 20 years, and there’s always been something “off,” but I only recently realized he has a real addiction. He also suffers from chronic pain and takes prescription opioids—sometimes 90 pills in just two weeks. He works as a group fitness trainer, which I originally thought was a good fit, since he wouldn't be working one-on-one.

But many of the women in his classes seem more than willing to exchange attention, and he reciprocates. One woman even sent him a photo of herself in lingerie. I emailed her and politely asked her to stop attending his classes. She agreed, but then started showing up again. It makes me sick. I try to control my emotions, but it’s a daily battle.

As I write my goal statement, I’m unsure how to handle this part of my life. Here’s what I’ve been writing and praying:

~ I’m so grateful that my marriage is honest and faithful. It feels safe and joyful. Together, we are better.
~ I’m thankful for my honest and faithful husband. It feels so good knowing he is fiercely loyal and honors our marriage.
~ Our marriage is built on honor and faithfulness. Because we live these values, we attract others into our lives who respect them.
~ I’m grateful that the people who attend my husband’s classes honor and respect our marriage.

[Leslie here inserting a note to my readers: I don’t recommend using these exact affirmations as-is—I’ll explain why below.]

I know I can’t control others, so I’m doing my best to word things creatively. But I’m not sure if I’m doing it “right,” especially since this woman keeps returning to his class. Maybe there’s something else coming, like a new job. He works several nights a week, and it limits our time together. Honestly, a new job would be ideal.

I have so many emotions toward my husband that I’m still trying to process. I just started Wife for Life, which I hope will help me better understand and own my role in our relationship. But I’ve noticed how hard it is to reach my financial goals while I’m emotionally stuck in this marriage turmoil. Some days, I’m not even sure I want to stay married.

Hopefully this makes sense—I just needed to talk it through before submitting my midterm assignment. I really value your perspective.

I replied:

Before I answer—what does your husband think about all of this? What does he want?

She responded:

Great question. In his humble moments, he admits he has a problem and says he wants help. He’s told me he hates that this woman keeps coming to his class. He says he wants what I want: an eternal marriage, peace, happiness, freedom. But he’s often dishonest.

I provide a comfortable lifestyle, and he knows that would change with a divorce. He’s never said that directly, but he’s resisted working for years. Once, a counselor even told me he believed my husband was using me—and though it was just his opinion, I’ve never forgotten it.

Despite everything, he can be very sweet—he leaves love notes, sends kind texts, snuggles at night, wants to spend time together. So I do think he wants what I want... I just don’t know if he’s ready to do what it takes. When he’s humble, he says he is. But as soon as the Spirit leaves, he gets defensive again.

I asked:

Do you have kids? Do they know what’s going on? Has divorce ever been openly discussed between you two, or is the “comfortable living” comment just an assumption on your part?

She replied:

We have two children—one in middle school, one in high school. Divorce has come up many times. He’s explosive. If I confront him about texting another woman, he immediately blows up, says he’s done, and threatens divorce. Then a few days later, he acts like everything is fine.

The kids see this all the time. He yells over the smallest things and is very demeaning. Then, just moments later, it’s like nothing happened. His expectations of the kids are completely unrealistic, so I feel like I have to overcompensate by being extra kind to make up for his outbursts.

Here’s what I shared with her:

When you’re envisioning the life you want, try writing it from a future-backward perspective. Imagine looking back at your life from the other side of it all—after the trials, after the growth—and describe it in the past tense.

What did you experience? What kind of relationship did you have? How did it feel to be in that marriage? What did you accomplish together? How grateful are you that you were led to create the right conditions for your spouse and children to grow into their best selves?

Focus on your own inspired actions. What did you do that invited peace, light, and strength into your home? Even if others didn’t respond how you hoped, you did your part. And that means you were never the limiting factor to what was possible.

When you visualize your future, it’s okay if your mental image of your husband is fuzzy or undefined. You don’t need to picture a specific face. Just hold a vision of the kind of partner and relationship God intends for you. Whether that becomes your current husband or someone else isn’t the point—the point is that you remain true to the eternal vision and allow God to guide the path.

This approach will help you recognize promptings more clearly—whether it’s to speak boldly in a hard moment, or to hold your peace when the time calls for patience. It might inspire you to forgive and nurture, or to set strong, righteous boundaries—or both, at different times. What matters is that you stay aligned with your long-term vision, not just short-term comfort.

Sometimes we do things in the moment that don’t help the big picture—like overcompensating with niceness to avoid conflict. But when we keep the eternal view in mind, we’re more likely to take actions that lead to lasting peace and progress.

Her response:

Oh my gosh, this was so helpful! Thank you so much. I’ve been wrestling with this for months and your insight gave me so much clarity. I truly appreciate you taking the time to help.

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