Throwback to 2011:

It’s after 2 a.m. and I’m still wide awake. I just read my sister’s blog, and it reignited something in me—the desire to share more of my real and raw experiences, too. So here comes a real and raw one:

If you’ve known me for a while, you’ve probably noticed I sort of fell off the map after May. (Thankfully, with today’s technology, I was able to automate much of my business and take a sabbatical without it being too obvious. I kept things going by recycling some of my favorite archived blog posts, or by highlighting other people and their inspiring messages instead of my own.)

As I’ve mentioned before (like in my class “Lessons Learned Since Writing Jackrabbit Factor”), our world turned upside down about five years ago. All the good things—the very reasons I wrote Jackrabbit Factor and Hidden Treasures—started to unravel. Not all at once, but slowly… so slowly that we hardly realized what was happening until we were deep in it.

Let me back up.

After our big financial breakthrough in 2000, and after enjoying several years of success, we made some unwise investment decisions. When we finally became fully aware of how deep the problems ran, we thought we could “fix” it with positive thinking. That if we just “thought right” hard enough, we could turn those bad decisions into good ones.

That’s when I learned a tough but powerful lesson: Yes, there’s a seed of equal or greater benefit in every adversity—but that doesn’t mean the adversity just disappears with right thinking.

It only means that something good can be born from it.

No matter how much positive thinking I tried, our situation refused to budge. It felt like the principles had stopped working—like they had taken a break just for me. And that was disorienting, because I was still doing my best to live them.

So, one of my biggest stresses became the business. My husband had long since left his job to help with it, but now I was questioning everything. What about my books? Our websites? The programs? If the principles no longer worked, how could I keep teaching them?

There were times I seriously considered pulling my books from the shelves and issuing a public apology.

But even while I battled my own demons, the messages kept coming. Readers from around the world shared their breakthroughs and expressed deep gratitude for my work. Ben Southall landed the “World’s Best Job” out of 34,000 applicants and credited my book on national TV. Publishers from other countries were requesting translation rights. Entrepreneurs were doubling and tripling revenues. Moms were seeing financial miracles after applying the principles—even when it seemed impossible.

Reading their stories, I didn’t always feel inspired.

Sometimes, I just felt jealous.

I felt like a pawn—like I was being used to help others succeed, while I couldn’t have the one thing I wanted most: a simple life focused entirely on my children and family. No pressure, no spotlight—just normal.

Every time I thought seriously about walking away, I remembered those stories. And in those moments, I felt God whisper: “Keep teaching—you don’t make the principles true or false by how well you live them.”

I didn’t always accept that graciously.

In fact, God and I had a lot of arguments about it. I’d throw my Felicity-sized tantrums, grow bitter and cynical, and decide to just be done. I’d ignore the business and try to force a “normal” life. But somehow, life always pulled me back in.

In those defiant moments, I found joy in the mundane—scrubbing a toilet, reorganizing a cupboard—because that’s what “normal” people do, right? I just wanted to be one. I wanted to stop feeling like I had to be the poster child for right thinking.

I can’t tell you how many times I logged into Facebook, tempted to post something sarcastic and brutally honest. I can be pretty good at sarcasm. But I also know how damaging it can be, so I resisted.

Eventually, though, something shifted.

I started learning new lessons—deeper insights into the same principles I thought I already understood. Slowly, the pain started to take on meaning. I began working on the Jackrabbit Factor sequel, Portal to Genius, to capture what I was learning. And sure enough, the breakthroughs began again. Our finances began to turn around. We had some of our best months ever… even though we still had a deep hole to climb out of.

Here’s the bottom line:
I know the principles are true.
I know that our circumstances respond to our thoughts and feelings.
I know that things go better when I approach life with childlike faith and dare to imagine “How would it really feel if...?”

It’s just that... sometimes I didn’t feel like doing it.

I was tired.
Discouraged.
Impatient.
Embarrassed.

And honestly? Sometimes it felt easier to not think right.

Anyway, I really should get some sleep. But all of this leads to why I disappeared in May—and what’s happened since. It’s actually really exciting. :)

So stay tuned... and g’nite!

👉 Read the follow-up post here.

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•  To discover how to start choosing more effectively now, read The Jackrabbit Factor (FREE!) 
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